(12) Reprograming (Our Heart Condition)

REPROGRAMMING

(some balancing scriptures)

 

Although our deepest feeling can be somewhat of a mystery to us, they are no mystery too our Heavenly Father. He is mindful of our feelings, or as psychologist would say, “our affect,” even before we are.

He knows our motivations, joys and fears. He understands our secret desires, and intentions, yet He remains constant in His love toward us. This area, of our inner man, is the area that He is most concerned about. The following are some verses that describe our condition before Him.

Our heart is our place of greatest need.

KJV Matthew 12:33-37
33.Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.
34.O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
35.A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.
36.But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
37.For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

KJV Jeremiah 17:7-11
7. Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.
8. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
9. The heart is deceitful above all things, and
desperately wicked: who can know it?
10.I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
11. As the partridge sitteth on eggs, and hatcheth them not; so he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.

Psalms 51:6
Behold, Thou desirest truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.

Proverbs 20:27
The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

Psalms 90:8
Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.

God created us to have a relationship with Him. He has been intimately involved with us long before we were aware of Him. The Bible states that we are created in the manner that pleased Him. The way we are is not a mistake.

NIV Psalms 139:13-17
13. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well.
15.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I
was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16.your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written
in your book before one of them came to be.
17. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of
them!

God wants to work through our present circumstances to bring about His purpose in our lives and the lives of those around us.


NIV John 9:2-3
2. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
3. "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

The result of our cooperating with God in this area is a change in our emotions, as our inner being is being remade according to his will.

King James
Psalms 16:7 

I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.

Psalms 31:19-20
19.Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!
20.Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.

Deuteronomy 29:29
The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.

Psalms 91:1-3
1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the
Almighty.
2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Psalms 25:12-21
12.What man is he that feareth the Lord? him shall He teach in the way that he shall choose.
13. His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth.
14.The secret of the Lord is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his
covenant.
15. Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16. Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
17. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
18. Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
19. Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
20.O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in
Thee.
21. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.

KJV Psalms 19:8-14
8. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the
Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
10. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.
12. Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.
13. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have
dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the
great transgression.
14.Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in
thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Consider the change in heart attitude that Peter had! Yes, the same Peter, who had repeatedly resisted, and even opposed God’s plan to have Messiah suffer and die to establish The Kingdom.

The same Peter who was so internally distracted with his own stuff that he ignored Jesus’ admonitions to prepare, pray, and to strengthen and serve his fellow believers during their darkest hour.

The same Peter who abandoned his ministry and led his brothers to leave their ministries as well!

The Peter that reopened his fishing business even though Christ himself had said that he was going to be a foundation stone of His Church!

Yes the same Peter, but changed! Consider his heart attitude as he writes to the young men.

He tells us to clothe ourselves, in humility as a display of our willingness to yield to God’s will and resist the enemy of our souls.

NIV 1 Peter 5:5-9
5. Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
6. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up indue time.
7. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
8. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.
9. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers
throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.




Describe at least two practical examples of how you could, “Clothe yourself with humility.”







Who are we humbling ourselves before when we do this?






What anxieties; List at least three that you could, “Cast them off.”






How does anxiety affect our ability to humble ourselves?

 

(13) Settling Accounts (Judgement and Forgiveness)

Settling Accounts

judgment and forgiveness

Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”

Genesis 18:25
Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! “Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”

 Settling Accounts

It is easy to assume that God’s Greatest Desire is to execute judgment on his enemies. Many of the assumptions about Christ’s return characterize Him being vengeful and angry, animated with an eagerness for revenge against those who have violated His laws, or harmed his people. The Bible is clear, that Christ will return, and justice will be executed in a powerful way, but it is also clear that this act is not a pleasant thing to God.

Ezekiel 33:11
Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die?

When it comes to justice, the Bible presents God as being far more invested in forgiveness than condemnation. The following verses illustrate this.

Psalm 130:1-8
¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
² Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, LORD, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?
⁴ But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve  you.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
⁶ I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
⁸ He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

Matthew 26:28
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Mark 1:4
And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 3:3
He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Acts 2:38
Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 10:43
All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

Acts 13:38
“Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.

Luke 1:76-79
⁷⁶ And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,
⁷⁷ to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins,
⁷⁸ because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
⁷⁹ to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

Committed to Forgiveness

It is clear from the scriptures that God is very invested in forgiveness! He is fully committed, even to the of point death. By giving his own life on the cross He demonstrated His commitment.

If we are to be “Godly people,” then we must recognize this and seek to stand with God in this matter. Jesus directed us to extend this attitude into all of our relationships.

Matthew 5:43-45

⁴³You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 

⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

He commands us to forgive, and pay attention to the needs of those close to us.

Matthew 6 9-14

⁹“This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’

¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 

¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

1^st Peter 3:7

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

And finally,

Romans 12:19

¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

So why is it important to forgive?

As you can see offences resentments and hatred literally rob you. 

They steal your happiness, and sense of wellbeing. Even if you experience injustice or someone inflicted some great harm on you, continuing to hold resentment and hatred increases the damage. They, extend the suffering long after the incident is over.

When you let go of resentment and hatred, a huge part of your past let's go of you. 

       Holding hatred is like intentionally hurting yourself. In comparison, forgiving others for their past offenses, releases your heart from the imprisonment of hatred and blame. Once free, we can begin to experience healing.

In conflict situations, we frequently excuse our wrong actions and minimize our role in creating the chaos and harm. It is difficult for us not to inflate the perceived wrongs done against us. This tendency toward distortion adds to our sense of injustice and blocks us from finding true power through responsibility to improve the situation. This distortion sets us up for continued failure and disappointment.

Forgiveness is not forgetting the wrong, it is not excusing the wrong, or pretending that it was, “ok,” or that, “It didn’t really matter,” on the contrary! 

Full forgiveness requires becoming fully aware of the wrong, and it’s effects. It is to see it clearly in the perspective of time and allow it to slide into our past. 

Forgiveness is turning the pain, of both past and present over to God. It is to be open and honest with God about it on an ongoing basis. It is to entrust God to take care of the situation; both the injustice and the pain, in the way that He chooses. 

It is to let go of trying to control the situation and trying to force the blame and punishment. It is to yield those rights to God.

Does this mean that we are to stop actions, like restraining orders, garnishment of pay, or legal proceedings enacted to provide protection? No! Not until safety is assured.

Does it mean that we are to curtail the portions of legal proceedings that are in place to inflict undue punishment, harm, or revenge? In general yes, but it is wise to seek counsel before making these decisions. 

Justice can seem harsh, but it may be the very tool that brings change in the life of the other person. God is capable of using even the harshest circumstances to bring about change. 

As stated earlier, He uses them to draw people lovingly to Himself. That is His redemptive nature. The important thing is that we stand with God, allowing Him rather than ourselves to carry out the sentence. 

It may be necessary to wait, even to the final day of reckoning since our court systems are imperfect. In either case we are to give the emotional baggage to Him, and as much as possible, and leave it there.

Forgiving is one issue, asking for forgiveness is a completely different aspect of forgiveness.

  It is very rare for one party in a conflict to be responsible for 100% of the wrong doing, yet it is typical to seek out, or attempt to establish one of the opponents as being, “the one in the wrong.” 

If you for example were truly only responsible for 10% of the wrongdoing, doesn’t that also make you 10% guilty as well? Even if your opponent is guilty of the larger portion, that doesn’t justify or remove your guilt. For the situation to be resolved, you need to seek forgiveness as well?

Seeking forgiveness without establishing who is at greater fault can be a very effective move toward healing a relationship. 

Just because you do not feel that it was your fault does not necessarily mean you should not ask for forgiveness. If the goal is to move toward reconciliation and restoration, this may be essential. 

The other person may not feel safe enough, or have the courage to ask for forgiveness or even to forgive. Often it is appropriate for the person with a more resilient emotional makeup to handle more of the weight in a situation. 

It is appropriate in the same way that is appropriate for the stronger person to do the physically heavier lifting when moving furniture. In all honesty, none of us have equal emotional abilities.

A word of caution:

Asking forgiveness should not become a manipulative tool to attempt to take the higher moral ground, to get the pressure off, or sway your opponent’s emotions into dismissing the abuse or wrongdoing. 

Forgiveness should not remove true and appropriate consequences.

 Example; You frighten your partner by grabbing her arm and not letting her leave during an argument. Her reaction is to appear to tolerate the moment, but later she gathers many of her personal items and moves out to temporary housing,  stating, “I don’t feel safe here with you.” 

 If you were to seek forgiveness, and she responded, “I forgive you.” 

Her forgiving you, would NOT mean that she should be moving back home. Moving back home has to do with her ability to feel safe with you. 

This is a matter of trust, not forgiveness. 

If you attempt to force this kind of an issue, you are simply adding to the abuse. Shortcut gestures like ignoring the issue, distracting with gifts or passion and then making up are also not pathways to true forgiveness. 

 Deeply emotional, but temporary displays of remorse, and opulent displays of seeking forgiveness through tears, gifts, and promises are the primary manipulative tools utilized by most abusers as the, “Cycle of Abuse,” displays in the diagrams the end of each chapter.  

If anything, they are the, “ Wedding Event,”  preceding The Honeymoon Period in this, "Violence Cycle." These displays can disarm and distract their partners.  Without this tool the cycle could not be maintained as easily. 

This does not mean that these displays are not sincere at the time! On the contrary! They are probably some of the deepest emotions that both partners will experience. 

So powerful, that they are often intoxicating!

   Often with the end of one abusive relationship, a partner will be drawn in a powerful way to a new abusive relationship. Early in this new relationship there may be no warning signs of the coming abuse, no sign except the intoxicating allure of their emotional intensity. 

The term falling for him, or her, or falling in love, is well coined here! The familiarity is so comfortable, and like moths we may be repeatedly drawn a similar flame.

 It is not uncommon for couples when they break the Cycle of Abuse to have trouble relating. Without the intense turmoil of conflict and reconciliation, they may experience a sense of distance, or drabness in their relationship. It is important to redirect this intensity, to find and share positive things to be passionate about!

 Isn’t it much wiser to plan and invest in celebrations of genuine love and commitment! How about having Honeymoons of success?

 It can be as simple as looking forward to going on walks together, or as elaborate as traveling the world. The difference is that it is deliberate. 

It requires planning and execution. As time passes the memories shared can be like a growing bank account attesting to the depth of your mature love and commitment.  

In contrast; in the “Cycle of Abuse, “the Honeymoon ends with the next controlling manipulation or outburst of anger. 

The problem is not insincerity! The problem is that these emotions and actions are, “Need Driven, “originating and empowered by deep insecurity. 

(See handout 6, Foundations; The Tyranny of Self.)

When the sense of insecurity is reduced, so is the emotional urgency.

The insanity of the abuse cycle is not so much about any specific action either partner does. It is more about soothing this sense of insecurity. The temporary nature of the abuser's remorse, may simply be that the remorse is only over the consequences incurred, and not their wrong beliefs and actions. 

If the consequences are removed, so may be the remorse. The remorse may also be over the loss of needed control the abuser experiences in a prideful sense. It may be over the loss of control over self, (including shame, guilt, and self loathing) or, loss of control over the situation (including the partner, their attitudes actions and beliefs, and what others believe about the situation.) 

As the abuser feels more in control of these areas, the feelings of remorse leave, and things get back to the usual patterns of response and control.

As stated earlier, forgiveness should not remove true and appropriate consequences.

Some reasons to seek forgiveness.

Forgiveness can help you physically. It reduces tension and anxiety in your life. Conflict and anger are unhealthy. They exacerbate health problems like cancer, high blood pressure, cardiovascular diseases, arthritis, and slow physical healing.

Forgiveness can help you emotionally and mentally.  Anger and a continued sense of powerlessness due to unresolved conflict often result in depression and anxiety affecting our thoughts and feelings.

Forgiveness can help you socially. Continued conflict robs us of our sense of peace and well being. Maintaining anger usually causes us to isolate, or to seek support from others as we seek to justify our position. This does not lead to peace of mind. It may even cause the supportive people in our life to disagree, and pull away from us.

Seeking forgiveness and making amends to those persons you have hurt and forgiving those who have hurt you will give you a sense of liberation and relief and improve your other relationships.

Forgiveness will bring stability and order to existing relationships, and provide more enjoyable companionship. Finding people to be friends or partners with in this world is a tough job. It may be difficult to find new people willing to share as much as the ones you have had conflict with. 

Nurturing a relationship is not easy and once that relationship is ruined with misunderstandings or quarrels, it can be a terrible loss. Seeking forgiveness and making true amends can help rebuild broken relationships.

 

Practicing forgiveness will give you a happier life. 

Focusing on the bad things that have happened in the past and maintaining anger and resentment in your heart will not protect you from future harm. But it may cause you to overlook the positive things that have occurred and continue to happen. 

In order to find balance and see the whole picture, a person must let go of past anger and accept the present positives. Then we will gain perspective and be able to face new challenges and grow from our experiences.

       

How to ask for forgiveness?

(If tension remains high it may be preferable to do this in a public setting such as a restaurant, coffee shop, bus station, diner, bookstore, etc.)

Consider what happened, and the progression of events.

Consider what was lost, and what has replaced it.

Briefly state your general perception of the harms that you caused, and then ask them to tell you their experience. 

Allow them to speak without interrupting.  Allow them to have the last word. 

Tell them what you heard.

How did your actions affected the other person physically?

How did your actions cause emotional pain or loss for the other person?

How did your actions affect the other person’s sense of dignity or sense of well being?

Briefly state your fuller perceptions of the harm that you caused

How will you attempt to restore what was lost, or replaced it?

Briefly state any options that you are willing to commit to, to repair the harm that you caused, and then ask them to tell you theirs.(Allow them to speak without interrupting) Tell them what you heard. .(Allow them to have the last word)

What action will you take to ensure this, (be specific)

Briefly state how you are taking responsibility for your actions and  ways you have become more accountable. (Allow them to speak without interrupting) Tell them what you heard. .(Allow them to have the last word)

Tell them, what do you want for the future and ask them about their hopes.

(Share your thoughts, and then ask them to tell you theirs.)

Tell them what you heard. .(Allow them to speak without interrupting)

Regardless of their receptivity or openness in the above conversation, review, how you have wronged the other person, and what would have been the right or appropriate attitude and action in the situation. 

If you are allowed too, express your sorrow, and request their forgiveness.

If appropriate, (if they have also presented wrongdoing and are seeking forgiveness), and you are ready to extend forgiveness to them. Tell them so. 

Tell them that you forgive them for,( stating the specifics that they shared, or in general, for their part in the conflict.)

After that give that person time to reflect and think about what just happened. They may or may not be ready to forgive you. The important thing is that you did your part, and the first step in rebuilding your relationship has been taken.  

It is also an important step in improving your relationship with God and the other people in your life.

Finally this is essentially a private matter for the purpose of reestablishing trust between the two of you. It is very important that the event not become a conversation manipulation tool to present yourself as being the, “better person,” in the eyes of others. 

Your partner’s response is not to become an opportunity for further blame or gossip. 

If forgiveness is truly being offered, or requested, it is important to allow the person time to adjust to the idea.

                                      

Forgiveness is about trust, and trust cannot be forced.

Seeking and receiving forgiveness is not a tool to try to remove, sidestep, or minimize appropriate consequences. Rebuilding trust is a difficult task.  Taking responsibility for your actions and accepting the consequences are necessary if trust is to grow.  

If you continue to show yourself untrustworthy, you will eventually be seen and known for that by everyone. Admit your wrongs and learn from them.

The biggest challenge in recovery is not merely stopping the behavior that seems to be out of control. 

The biggest challenges are in the area of beliefs. 

It is about what we truly know and believe about ourselves once we stop our denial. It is about what others believe about us as well.

As we do the work of rebuilding our beliefs, we will need to take an inventory to see exactly where we stand. This is done in step 4 of the Recovery 12 steps.

 When we recognize and confess our shortcomings it benefits us!

God already knows our shortcomings but this does not cause Him to turn away from us. The scriptures say that our becoming aware of our sins and rejecting them brings Him great joy.  

    At the beginning of this section I mentioned that we need to stand with God on the issue of forgiveness. The Good news is that He is inviting us to do just that.

 His desire is that we experience His forgiveness, and learn to forgive ourselves as well.

 The consequence of our shortcomings, or, “sins,” was His death on the cross where He willingly took the punishment we deserved. He made this investment because of His deep love and commitment to us. His stated desire is that we be set free from the guilt and shame of our past, and enjoy a genuine relationship with Him.

He demonstrated His love, and as we learn to accept it, we begin to respond in return. It is common to feel that God could not forgive me, for the kind of things I have done. But this is not accurate. 

When we say this, in reality we are really saying, “If I were God,” I wouldn’t forgive a person like me for doing what I did. Thankfully you and I aren’t God! If He chooses to forgive, even though we would advise against it, that is His business. 

Our part is to believe Him and accept the gift He offers.  If we feel insecure in our relationship with Him, as in any love relationship we can seek reassurance.   

Reading the scriptures, prayer, and especially music that celebrate the wonders of His love and forgiveness can be very reassuring. As in any love relationship, the feeling of closeness waxes and wanes, but that does not mean His love and commitment does.

(Now go back and review the scriptures at the beginning of this section.)

(14) 12 Step Recovery? (Why would I want to do that?)

12 Step?

(Why would I want to do that?)

"I am glad they are trying to improve their lives, but I just don't think I can relate to someone like that." 

Many people are put off, or feel irritated when they are encouraged to attend a 12 step religious program for something that is not commonly recognized as an addiction problem.  

Most of us view ourselves as being different than the people who struggle with addictions. We may consciously or unconsciously look down on these people believing that, "If they had made better choices they would not be in the situation they are in today." 

Few of us want to experience, or even know about the chaos, hardship and suffering they experience due to their addictions.  We usually want to keep our lives separate from this kind of negativity. "As far away as possible," may be the only safe distance most of us feel comfortable with. 

When it comes to religious activities a12 step Recovery Group would not be our first choice.

For Goodness Sake!

Most of us select churches or ministries in the same way we would select a school or neighborhood to live in. We compare and make choices based on the positive thing we desire. We consider how we would fit in and look for ministries that match our needs, and needs that match the positive skills we have to offer. 

If successful, we feel proud to be part of something so positive. We value and seek to protect the goodness we see in ourselves and those around us. In this setting we often achieve status, and work to maintain it. 

We encourage others to do the same, and we usually become very uncomfortable when one among us does not fulfill their responsibility or betrays the values we share.

If however, you are a person in this setting who is struggling, you may feel that it is necessary to conceal your struggle to maintain your image of goodness, along with the image of your church. 

Even in a Christ centered organization it is easy to focus more on the goodness of the organization, congregation, or leadership than on the actual goodness of God. The old saying, "God helps those who help themselves," describes our natural human characteristic to want to rely in our own sufficiency and avoid admitting our failures. 

We would much rather attempt to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps than admit our deficits and accept that we need God's help.  

"I may have a problem or two, like anybody else, but I'm not one of those people! I'm basically a good person!"

Years ago after High School, I participated in an evangelism training program focused on communicating God's love with people in the community. I was surprised to find that the biggest obstacle to experiencing the grace of God, and receiving the forgiveness and restoration He offered was the perceived goodness we tend to believe we have without Him.

Most of us are familiar with the following parable 

from Luke 18 10-14 KJV.

¹⁰Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. ¹¹The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. ¹²I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. ¹³And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.¹⁴I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

In the story, the Pharisee was not unlike a typical religious person of today. He was not bragging as much as simply expressing his appreciation and gratitude to God for the Goodness in his life!

 If you will notice, he was not taking credit for the Goodness, on the contrary, he was giving credit and thanks to God for all of the Goodness he was experiencing. This is not unlike what often happens even in Recovery during testimonies. The difference is, what he believed about himself in comparison to others, and what he believed about his need for a deeper dependency and reliance on God.

James, the brother of Jesus puts it even more directly as he addresses people who struggle with anger and conflict in their lives.

¹ What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 

² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 

³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 

⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 

⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 

⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 

⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 

¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:1-10 NIV

In Mark 10:18 KJV, Jesus stated,

     "There is none good but God," 

The bottom line is that none of us truly likes to humble ourselves or allow ourselves to be humbled in a way that exposes our vulnerabilities, poverty or weaknesses. Why is this? Could it be fear of rejection, discrimination or persecution from other people like ourselves? This certainly is a big part of it.

Principle Eight of Celebrate Recovery and it's companion verse read: Yield myself to God to be used  to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.

Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires for the Kingdom of Heaven is their.  Matthew 5:10 N L T

Bill Wilson, originator of AA and the 12 step process, found his struggle with alcohol to be insurmountable until he made a surprising discovery.

When he stopped blaming others,

stopped denying his responsibility,

stopped trying to fix himself and those around him,

stopped demanding support from his friends and family,

stopped isolating,

became supportive of others who were struggling,

began receiving support from others who were struggling,

sought God's help through the 12 step process with others

 

He and those with him found lasting sobriety.

His wife, Louis, founded Al-Anon, the group established to support the families of men and women who struggle with alcoholism. Although she was very supportive of Bill, she was unable have any success in helping her husband with his addiction. She suffered poverty, abuse and extreme peril due to his drunkenness. She desperately needed Bill to change. Bill's family and friends needed him to act like himself. They needed, "The Bill they knew," not the angry drunk he had become. All these people were trying to build and maintain the "good life similar to the Pharisee’s life," while Bill was tearing it down.

 When it comes to life dominating struggles, family and friends are rarely able to provide the type of support that is required for lasting change, and they certainly cannot approach God from the same perspective as the group working through the 12 steps. Their needs are too different. They are too locked into their current roles and expectations.

Step12:    

Having had a spiritual experience (with God) as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.

Bothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. James 5:6

Revelation 12:11 

And they overcame him (Satan the Accuser) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;

In the beginning many find the Recovery process frustrating. It can seem loosely organized and unnatural to those not familiar with it. The material may seem simplistic and lacking in substance, the activities repetitious.  But as you watch people opening their hearts to God, and hear their testimonies about God's goodness and responsiveness in meeting their needs, you begin to see the reality of recovery coming to life!

Why go?

"I'm here because the judge ordered it." Is a common reason people give when asked, "Why did you come?" Intense emotional pain is another. Often it is the pain of loss, sometimes a consequence of their own behavior, sometime a circumstance they have no control over. A few wander in to support a friend. When the pain of consequences or circumstances exceeds the fear of discovery people come.

  Consequently, most people who come to Recovery meetings participate at a location other than the church they attend. Their goal; to gain control of the behavior that is causing them trouble.

 Their intention: to quit coming as soon as the goal is reached. They usually want the behavior to change, not themselves. God is offering much more than most people bargain for, but it takes courage to take the first step.

When the fear of pain or loss exceeds the fear of discovery, or change, then you are ready to begin. If you lack courage, ask God. He is faithful to provide, but His help doesn't always come in the form we expect.

Recovery: a safe place to share struggles without damaging those around us.

Recovery: a refuge and a place of belonging no matter where we are at.

Recovery: provides a place to care for other and be cared for.

Recovery: a place where we experience respect and give respect to others.

Recovery: a place to learn, grow, and become genuinely strong.

Recovery is a place where we can see and learn how to become resilient.

Recovery: a place where we can be honest without fear.

Recovery: a place where we can share what God is doing and how it affect us.

Recovery: a place to grow to accept change even when it is hard or painful.

Revelation 12: 10-11 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is the salvation and strength and kingdom of our God, and power of His Christ: for the accuser of the brethren is cast down which accused them before our God day and night. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death.