We have all heard the story of
The boy who cried wolf.
This is one of the most common expressions of anger. We will talk about forms of anger later.
Today we will talk about false alarms.
Most of us are probably aware that our physical bodies have a built in alarm system. If you aren’t, you haven’t been paying attention. This alarm system is no small thing! When it is activated it is impossible to ignore!
For some reason we find our bodies receiving emergency signals as though someone inside of us were dialing 911. Although it can be extremely uncomfortable, it is an amazing system.
The strong emotion of FEAR provides an important function.
The strong emotion of FEAR provides an important function.
It can be fear of danger, or the fear of the loss of control of something important to us, like possessions, relationships, reputation, etc.…
This emotion motivates us to instant action triggering our physical bodies to react with a survival reflex called the “Fight or Flight Stress Response.” It is our emergency reaction to danger. It prepares us to attack and defend, or retreat and escape!
The release of adrenalin causes our heart rate to speed up providing increased blood supply to our large muscles. Our breathing rate and depth increase to provide more oxygen. Sugar is released from the liver, to provide instant energy and increase sensory alertness in the brain, while concept processing faculties are placed on hold, and we go into a reaction mode of thinking.
Hearing intensifies, where we can frequently hear our own heartbeat, the pupils of our eyes dilate, and eyesight shifts to distance vision. Multiple other hormones are released that shut down our digestive processes, often causing a sour stomach. They also modify the lining of our blood vessels in preparation for clotting or vasoconstriction to minimize blood loss from injury.
The release of adrenalin causes our heart rate to speed up providing increased blood supply to our large muscles. Our breathing rate and depth increase to provide more oxygen. Sugar is released from the liver, to provide instant energy and increase sensory alertness in the brain, while concept processing faculties are placed on hold, and we go into a reaction mode of thinking.
Hearing intensifies, where we can frequently hear our own heartbeat, the pupils of our eyes dilate, and eyesight shifts to distance vision. Multiple other hormones are released that shut down our digestive processes, often causing a sour stomach. They also modify the lining of our blood vessels in preparation for clotting or vasoconstriction to minimize blood loss from injury.
Even the irritating sweat glands are activated to provide cooling for optimal endurance.
EVERYTHING IS GEARED FOR ACTION.
What about our thinking? While we are in reaction mode our thoughts are racing to our defense, even as our bodies are!
We tend to be oppositional, quick to make accusations, and may even be hostile. It is difficult for us to slow down and process details, or evaluate our circumstances objectively.
We are intent on identifying threats of harm or loss. We are protecting ourselves from them. While on the defensive we may lash out and attack anyone who seems to pose a threat.
Others respond differently. Some people become paralyzed and freeze, unable to fight or flight. Their bodies are giving the same type of signals, but waves of paralyzing anxiety rather than rage or anger are the outcome.
Still others react to the internal release of adrenalin by directing the negative energy somewhere inside of themselves. It is as though the overwhelming stress becomes frozen inside, where it doesn’t seem to be available to hurt anyone. Some have described Depression in this manner, with the name, ”Frozen Anger,” More tolerable for the moment, but building inside, affecting our bodies, and emotions, and changing what we believe about ourselves and those around us.
“#1 EXTERNAL OCCURRENCES,” includes the things that you are presently experiencing that cause you stress or pain and may be perceived as a threat and are often out of your control.
---- All of the steps that follow can with practice be ---- under your voluntary control
“# 2 YOUR MIND,” includes your surface thoughts about yourself and the things you consider important at the present time. It is quickly flooded with emotional content, (represented by the black arrow) during a 911 response. The quality of content and accuracy of your perceptions are influenced by the deeper emotions of your heart, which in turn are a result of your heredity, history and habits. Your surface thought will report the content of your deeper emotions when you are experiencing stress.
-- King James
MATTHEW 12:34b …for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
We tend to be oppositional, quick to make accusations, and may even be hostile. It is difficult for us to slow down and process details, or evaluate our circumstances objectively.
We are intent on identifying threats of harm or loss. We are protecting ourselves from them. While on the defensive we may lash out and attack anyone who seems to pose a threat.
Others respond differently. Some people become paralyzed and freeze, unable to fight or flight. Their bodies are giving the same type of signals, but waves of paralyzing anxiety rather than rage or anger are the outcome.
Still others react to the internal release of adrenalin by directing the negative energy somewhere inside of themselves. It is as though the overwhelming stress becomes frozen inside, where it doesn’t seem to be available to hurt anyone. Some have described Depression in this manner, with the name, ”Frozen Anger,” More tolerable for the moment, but building inside, affecting our bodies, and emotions, and changing what we believe about ourselves and those around us.
But what if your life is not in danger?
You probably can remember times when you have been shaking; sweating, and you could hear your heart pounding. You probably felt unable to think straight. You may have had a knot in your stomach and felt short of breath. All of this after someone simply said something upsetting to you. What happened?
(flip your phone screen to horizontal for this section)
(and double tap picture for clarity)
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HARDWIRED FOR ACTION
In the model,
---- All of the steps that follow can with practice be ---- under your voluntary control
“# 2 YOUR MIND,” includes your surface thoughts about yourself and the things you consider important at the present time. It is quickly flooded with emotional content, (represented by the black arrow) during a 911 response. The quality of content and accuracy of your perceptions are influenced by the deeper emotions of your heart, which in turn are a result of your heredity, history and habits. Your surface thought will report the content of your deeper emotions when you are experiencing stress.
MATTHEW 12:34b …for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
When in reaction mode, your surface thoughts change to:
S elf Talk
---personalizing the discomfort, linking current emotions with past emotional experiences and beliefs held in your heart. (Activity: talking to yourself underyour breath, in our mind) E xpectations
----of an attack, your body is telling you something Is wrong! It is imperative that you find out what; and protect yourself!
resentful, bitter thoughts and beliefs.)
W ronged
Your conclusion: That your emotional suspicions, and beliefs are true, and that you have to react at this moment. It seems imperatively justified!
-- King James
JAMES 1:20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
“#3 WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART, or, “GUT,” These are the deeper emotions described in #2, and include strong values, beliefs, or feelings that move you internally. You may not be aware of many of them until they come to the surface. Some make sense and some seem illogical. These include the area of thought commonly called the subconscious, but are not so much ideas or concepts, as emotional memories that carry a great deal of expressive motivational energy. These impulses are deposited through emotional experiences, (History). The content is influenced by our genetic predisposition, (Heritage), parental and social influences, habitual response patterns, and the adaptations to stress we have learned through the emotional history of our life, (Habits).
“YOUR REFLEX REACTION,” presents the path of least resistance that we take when we react to a situation without taking the time to think it through carefully. This action is frequently energized by the, “fight or flight, stress response,” described earlier. It is greatly influenced by the feelings we have from our past, experiences. It is usually motivated by our beliefs and empowered when our heart or gut responses are stirred up and our thoughts are not examined objectively. All four of the response patterns listed in this model are ROOTED IN FEAR. All of them can become habitual responses, and although their use requires a great deal of energy, much more thought and energy would be required to change them then to let them continue in their habitual manner.
“#4 HOW YOU RESPOND AFFECTS WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART, or, “GUT,” Human beings are creatures of habit, and tend to avoid effort if it seems unnecessary. We reinforce the beliefs we already hold, unless there is an impending consequence for not doing so. Our minds and emotions prefer to follow the well worn paths that provide a sense of security. Although limited exploration and change can be stimulating, we prefer to experience it on our own terms, and avoid it at times of overwhelming stress. The effects of increased adrenalin on our thinking further reduces our ability to objectively review and benefit from negative experiences. The saying, “It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks,” applies here. Unless we are willing to, “Put off the old man,” we are unlikely to change at all and will usually reinforce and strengthen our negative patterns until their consequences become so uncomfortable that we are forced to change.
-- New Living Ephesians 4:21-22
Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off the old sinful nature and your former ways of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
At this point in our recovery we are beginning to learn that we cannot control the thoughts, actions and feelings of other people. Hopefully we can also admit that we have been unable (on our own), to change many of our own thoughts, or the way that we feel about particular persons or a situation.
We also need to admit that we have been unable to change our Response Pattern for handling conflict for any sustained period of time.
Even so, there are many things that we do have control of regardless of our emotional state. If we pause for a moment, we can identify the early stages of our stress response and learn to leave the situation before further trust is lost or damage is done. As we experience a threat of loss, or become defensive, it becomes difficult for us to listen effectively.
This creates a perfect opportunity for us to demonstrate Genuine Leadership.
E valuation
---Deciding how to protect yourself, to escape or attack! (blaming, antagonizing, accusing,resentful, bitter thoughts and beliefs.)
W ronged
R ejected
A ttacked
T hreatened
H elpless
-- King James
JAMES 1:20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
“#3 WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART, or, “GUT,” These are the deeper emotions described in #2, and include strong values, beliefs, or feelings that move you internally. You may not be aware of many of them until they come to the surface. Some make sense and some seem illogical. These include the area of thought commonly called the subconscious, but are not so much ideas or concepts, as emotional memories that carry a great deal of expressive motivational energy. These impulses are deposited through emotional experiences, (History). The content is influenced by our genetic predisposition, (Heritage), parental and social influences, habitual response patterns, and the adaptations to stress we have learned through the emotional history of our life, (Habits).
“YOUR REFLEX REACTION,” presents the path of least resistance that we take when we react to a situation without taking the time to think it through carefully. This action is frequently energized by the, “fight or flight, stress response,” described earlier. It is greatly influenced by the feelings we have from our past, experiences. It is usually motivated by our beliefs and empowered when our heart or gut responses are stirred up and our thoughts are not examined objectively. All four of the response patterns listed in this model are ROOTED IN FEAR. All of them can become habitual responses, and although their use requires a great deal of energy, much more thought and energy would be required to change them then to let them continue in their habitual manner.
“#4 HOW YOU RESPOND AFFECTS WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART, or, “GUT,” Human beings are creatures of habit, and tend to avoid effort if it seems unnecessary. We reinforce the beliefs we already hold, unless there is an impending consequence for not doing so. Our minds and emotions prefer to follow the well worn paths that provide a sense of security. Although limited exploration and change can be stimulating, we prefer to experience it on our own terms, and avoid it at times of overwhelming stress. The effects of increased adrenalin on our thinking further reduces our ability to objectively review and benefit from negative experiences. The saying, “It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks,” applies here. Unless we are willing to, “Put off the old man,” we are unlikely to change at all and will usually reinforce and strengthen our negative patterns until their consequences become so uncomfortable that we are forced to change.
-- New Living Ephesians 4:21-22
Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off the old sinful nature and your former ways of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
Emergency Plan
In the Serenity Prayer we ask God to Grant us Serenity to accept what we cannot change, to give us the Courage to change the things we can, and Wisdom to know the difference!At this point in our recovery we are beginning to learn that we cannot control the thoughts, actions and feelings of other people. Hopefully we can also admit that we have been unable (on our own), to change many of our own thoughts, or the way that we feel about particular persons or a situation.
We also need to admit that we have been unable to change our Response Pattern for handling conflict for any sustained period of time.
Even so, there are many things that we do have control of regardless of our emotional state. If we pause for a moment, we can identify the early stages of our stress response and learn to leave the situation before further trust is lost or damage is done. As we experience a threat of loss, or become defensive, it becomes difficult for us to listen effectively.
This creates a perfect opportunity for us to demonstrate Genuine Leadership.
A Sane or Wise Response would be to state,
“What you are saying is important to me, but I am having trouble listening right now, (because of my emotional state).
I am going to leave, but I will return, or contact you, in 40 -60 minutes, when I feel calmer to hear what you have to say,” (the Fight or Flight Stress Response lasts approximately 40 minutes).
Even if things are being thrown at you as you leave the conflict, you have avoided further escalation, humiliation, police, etc.
It is very important that you contact the person at the stated time, but it may be better to resume the conversation in a public place like a coffee shop, or restaurant.
1 Corinthians 10:13 States,” There is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape , that you may be able to bear it.
He promises to walk with us through the process to victory, but the process isn’t taken away. He is capable of bringing you to a place of honor, even through the things that have caused you shame. He loves you more than you love yourself!
Even if things are being thrown at you as you leave the conflict, you have avoided further escalation, humiliation, police, etc.
It is very important that you contact the person at the stated time, but it may be better to resume the conversation in a public place like a coffee shop, or restaurant.
1 Corinthians 10:13 States,” There is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape , that you may be able to bear it.
He promises to walk with us through the process to victory, but the process isn’t taken away. He is capable of bringing you to a place of honor, even through the things that have caused you shame. He loves you more than you love yourself!
List some ways that you might use below.
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