ANGER CHRONICLE
Intensity, Duration, Style?
How is it affecting your life
and the lives of those around you?
photo from http://kevinmartineau.ca/5-ways-to-have-a-nervous-breakdown/
WHEN IS ANGER A PROBLEM?
Have you noticed that anger and fear are stressful? Anger expends a great deal of emotional energy. Prolonged, sustained anger is at the core of many illnesses. It is very important to learn how not to be angry unless it is absolutely called for. Unnecessary anger is hazardous to your health!
Problems with Intensity and Duration
(double click picture to see better detail)
Problem with Style?
(double click picture to see better detail)
Anger is a problem when it is...:
diagrams from Tim Lahaye's "Anger is a Choice"
1. Too frequent:
It places your body under constant stress. List the times you have felt anger in the last week.
a. The times you remember.
b. The times you think those around you would remember.
c. If you can ask a person close to you without causing conflict, ask them and then compare your perspectives.
2. Too intense: Anger, Bitterness and Resentment can be strong emotions that interfere with our ability to function. List times when these emotions….
a. Made it difficult or impossible to concentrate or think straight because of anger, bitterness or resentment.
b. Times when your anger affected your work performance, or interfered with work relationships.
c. (Include misperceptions that occurred because of your emotional state.)
3. Too Aggressive: It can be passive or active. Loosing control can be displayed through outburst, gestures and actions, or denial, avoidance and resistance.
b. Times when your anger affected your work performance, or interfered with work relationships.
c. (Include misperceptions that occurred because of your emotional state.)
3. Too Aggressive: It can be passive or active. Loosing control can be displayed through outburst, gestures and actions, or denial, avoidance and resistance.
Remember “The Boy Who Cried Wolf?” List the times you can remember feeling like you were under the control of your aggressive or passive aggressive tendencies.
a. Physically aggressiveness toward others.
b. Emotional aggressiveness toward others.
c. Passively aggressive toward others.
d. (include making others wait, pretending you didn’t here them, not making an effort to understand them, or changing the subject to confuse them, etc…)
e. Passively aggressive toward self.
f.(include risk taking behaviors that were motivated by anger more at yourself than the situation, like driving recklessly, alcohol or drug use, risky relationships, etc…)
e. Passively aggressive toward self.
f.(include risk taking behaviors that were motivated by anger more at yourself than the situation, like driving recklessly, alcohol or drug use, risky relationships, etc…)
g. Physically aggressive toward property.
h. Passively aggressive toward property.
i. (include avoidance or denial of the need to maintain, or use caution with possessions and property and carelessness motivated by anger.)
4. Too long: Bitterness is nothing more than prolonged anger. It goes hand-in-hand with unforgiveness. It not only drains you emotionally and physically, but also spiritually.
i. (include avoidance or denial of the need to maintain, or use caution with possessions and property and carelessness motivated by anger.)
4. Too long: Bitterness is nothing more than prolonged anger. It goes hand-in-hand with unforgiveness. It not only drains you emotionally and physically, but also spiritually.
a. Describe how bitterness has affected you.
b. Describe how bitterness has affected those around you.
Consider the following:
NIV Ephesians 4:26-32.
26. In your anger don’t sin: Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27. and don’t give the devil a foothold.
28. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
29. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
30. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
5. Sinful forms of Anger : What are your thoughts about this passage?
Earlier we looked at unhealthy boundaries that were, “more aggressive.” Now let’s look again at how our passive, or unguarded boundaries can put us more at risk of aggressive actions by others.
Earlier we looked at unhealthy boundaries that were, “more aggressive.” Now let’s look again at how our passive, or unguarded boundaries can put us more at risk of aggressive actions by others.
We may also have patterns acting passive aggressively toward self or our loved ones and we may even feel the need to retaliate and escalate aggression when others violate our unguarded boundaries.
Conversationally:
Telling more than you feel comfortable with later.
Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting.
Fear of talking at all because you may say too much.
Relationships:
Trusting too quickly in any one who reaches out.
Becoming preoccupied with someone.
Adapting your behavior and values to please others.
Sexuality:
Being sexual when you didn’t want too.
Being sexual for someone else, not self.
Awareness:
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
Not noticing when someone displays poor boundaries.
Interactions:
Accepting food, gifts, touch, etc that you don’t want.
Allowing unwanted touching.
Lacking or avoiding assertiveness and limit setting.
Personal Power:
Letting others direct your life, make your choices, and determine your identity.
Expectations Believing others can anticipate your-needs.
Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.
Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
Self care:
All forms of self abuse including addictions.
Not stopping abuse done to you by others
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
(passive/unguarded)
Conversationally:
Telling more than you feel comfortable with later.
Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting.
Fear of talking at all because you may say too much.
Relationships:
Trusting too quickly in any one who reaches out.
Becoming preoccupied with someone.
Adapting your behavior and values to please others.
Sexuality:
Being sexual when you didn’t want too.
Being sexual for someone else, not self.
Awareness:
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
Not noticing when someone displays poor boundaries.
Interactions:
Accepting food, gifts, touch, etc that you don’t want.
Allowing unwanted touching.
Lacking or avoiding assertiveness and limit setting.
Personal Power:
Letting others direct your life, make your choices, and determine your identity.
Expectations Believing others can anticipate your-needs.
Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically.
Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
Self care:
All forms of self abuse including addictions.
Not stopping abuse done to you by others
Below is the Basic, “Cycle of Violence,” diagram.
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