12 Step?
(Why would I want to do that?)
"I am glad
they are trying to improve their lives, but I just don't think I can relate to
someone like that."
Many people are put off, or feel irritated
when they are encouraged to attend a 12 step religious program for something
that is not commonly recognized as an addiction problem.
Most of us view
ourselves as being different than the people who struggle with addictions. We
may consciously or unconsciously look down on these people believing that,
"If they had made better choices they would not be in the situation they
are in today."
Few of us want to experience, or even know about the chaos,
hardship and suffering they experience due to their addictions. We
usually want to keep our lives separate from this kind of negativity. "As
far away as possible," may be the only safe distance most of us feel
comfortable with.
When it comes to religious activities a12 step Recovery Group
would not be our first choice.
For Goodness
Sake!
Most of us select churches or ministries
in the same way we would select a school or neighborhood to live in. We compare
and make choices based on the positive thing we desire. We consider how we
would fit in and look for ministries that match our needs, and needs that match
the positive skills we have to offer.
If successful, we feel proud to be part
of something so positive. We value and seek to protect the goodness we see in
ourselves and those around us. In this setting we often achieve status, and
work to maintain it.
We encourage others to do the same, and we usually become
very uncomfortable when one among us does not fulfill their responsibility or
betrays the values we share.
If however, you are a person in this
setting who is struggling, you may feel that it is necessary to conceal your
struggle to maintain your image of goodness, along with the image of your
church.
Even in a Christ centered organization it is easy to focus more on the
goodness of the organization, congregation, or leadership than on the actual
goodness of God. The old saying, "God helps those who help
themselves," describes our natural human characteristic to want to rely in
our own sufficiency and avoid admitting our failures.
We would much rather
attempt to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps than admit our deficits and
accept that we need God's help.
"I may have a
problem or two, like anybody else, but I'm not one of those people! I'm
basically a good person!"
Years ago after High School, I
participated in an evangelism training program focused on communicating God's
love with people in the community. I was surprised to find that the biggest
obstacle to experiencing the grace of God, and receiving the forgiveness and
restoration He offered was the perceived goodness we tend to believe we have
without Him.
Most of us are familiar with the following
parable
from Luke 18 10-14 KJV.
10Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a
Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11The
Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not
as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12I fast twice in the week,
I give tithes of all that I possess. 13And
the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto
heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.14I
tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for
every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself
shall be exalted.
In the story, the Pharisee was not unlike
a typical religious person of today. He was not bragging as much as simply expressing
his appreciation and gratitude to God for the Goodness in his life!
If you will notice, he was not taking credit for the Goodness, on the
contrary, he was giving credit and thanks to God for all of the Goodness he was
experiencing. This is not unlike what often happens even in Recovery during
testimonies. The difference is, what he believed about himself in comparison to
others, and what he believed about his need for a deeper dependency and
reliance on God.
James, the brother of Jesus puts it even
more directly as he addresses people who struggle with anger and conflict in
their lives.
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you?
Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
2 You desire but do not have, so you
kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You
do not have because you do not ask God.
3 When you ask, you do not receive,
because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your
pleasures.
4 You adulterous people don’t you know that
friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who
chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
5 Or do you think Scripture says without
reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?
6 But he gives us more grace. That is
why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud but shows favor to
the humble.”
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist
the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Come near to God and he will come near
to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you
double-minded.
9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your
laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and
he will lift you up. James 4:1-10 NIV
In Mark 10:18 KJV, Jesus stated,
"There
is none good but God,"
The bottom line is that none of us truly
likes to humble ourselves or allow ourselves to be humbled in a way that
exposes our vulnerabilities, poverty or weaknesses. Why is this? Could it be
fear of rejection, discrimination or persecution from other people like
ourselves? This certainly is a big part of it.
Principle Eight of Celebrate Recovery and
it's companion verse read: Yield myself to God to be
used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my
words.
Happy are those who are persecuted
because they do what God requires for the Kingdom Heaven
Bill Wilson, originator of AA and the 12
step process, found his struggle with alcohol to be insurmountable until he
made a surprising discovery.
When he stopped blaming others,
stopped denying his responsibility,
stopped trying to fix himself and those around him,
stopped demanding support from his friends and family,
stopped isolating,
became supportive of others who were struggling,
began receiving support from others who were struggling,
sought God's help through the 12 step process with others
He and those with him found lasting
sobriety.
His wife, Louis, founded Al-Anon, the group
established to support the families of men and women who struggle with
alcoholism. Although she was very supportive of Bill, she was unable have any
success in helping her husband with his addiction. She suffered poverty, abuse
and extreme peril due to his drunkenness. She desperately needed Bill to
change. Bill's family and friends needed him to act like himself. They needed,
"The Bill they knew," not the angry drunk he had become. All these
people were trying to build and maintain the "good life similar to the
Pharisee’s life," while Bill was tearing it down.
When it comes to life dominating
struggles, family and friends are rarely able to provide the type of support that is required for
lasting change, and they
certainly cannot approach God from the same perspective as the group working
through the 12 steps. Their needs are too different. They are too locked into
their current roles and expectations.
Step12:
Having had a spiritual experience (with God) as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and
practice these principles in all our affairs.
Bothers, if someone is caught in a sin,
you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. James 5:6
Revelation
12:11
And they
overcame him (Satan the Accuser) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of
their testimony;
In the beginning many find the Recovery
process frustrating. It can seem loosely organized and unnatural to those not familiar
with it. The material may seem simplistic and lacking in substance, the
activities repetitious. But as you watch people opening their hearts to
God, and hear their testimonies about God's goodness and responsiveness in
meeting their needs, you begin to see the reality of recovery coming to life!
Why go?
"I'm here because the judge ordered
it." Is a common reason people give when asked, "Why did you
come?" Intense emotional pain is another. Often it is the pain of loss,
sometimes a consequence of their own behavior, sometime a circumstance they
have no control over. A few wander in to support a friend. When the pain of
consequences or circumstances exceeds the fear of discovery people come.
Consequently, most people who come
to Recovery meetings participate at a location other than the church they
attend. Their goal; to gain control of the behavior that is causing them
trouble.
Their intention: to quit coming as soon as the goal is reached. They usually want the behavior to change, not themselves. God is offering much more than most people bargain for, but it takes courage to take the first step.
Their intention: to quit coming as soon as the goal is reached. They usually want the behavior to change, not themselves. God is offering much more than most people bargain for, but it takes courage to take the first step.
When the fear of pain or loss exceeds the
fear of discovery, or change, then you are ready to begin. If you lack courage,
ask God. He is faithful to provide, but His help doesn't always come in the
form we expect.
Recovery: a safe place to share struggles without damaging those around us.
Recovery: a refuge and a place of belonging no matter where we are at.
Recovery: provides a place to care for other and be cared for.
Recovery: a place where we experience respect and give respect to others.
Recovery: a place to learn, grow, and become genuinely strong.
Recovery is a place where we can see and learn how to become resilient.
Recovery: a place where we can be honest without fear.
Recovery: a place where we can share what God is doing and how it affect us.
Recovery: a place to grow to accept change even when it is hard or painful.
Revelation 12: 10-11 And I heard a loud
voice saying in heaven, Now is the salvation and strength and kingdom of our
God, and power of His Christ: for the accuser of the brethren is cast down
which accused them before our God day and night. And they overcame him by the
blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their
lives unto death.
